This blog is delayed because I have been without internet at school for a week.
I came to Thailand wanting to learn everything I could about the culture and customs of the Thai people on top of dedicating my time to helping improve the education of the students of Chok Amnuay. As you have read I have had many adventures and learned nearly all there is to learn about the country with the Thai language skills I have. I have experienced planting rice to the changing of a new Prime Minister to living with PA Gai’s family, that is pretty much westernized, and permanently with a family that is quite poor and lives a traditional Thai life. There are still events that I have not taken part in although have learned about weddings and funerals form friends.
About a month back Nah Tak’s younger sisters husband died while going out fishing in the middle of the night. Although I know there is a grieving process it is hard to see through the tough skin of Thai’s to these emotions as they are taught from a young age to save face and stay strong. Nah Tak continued to make my meals although she many times would make them and go home and not sit around and eat as she usually does. When I asked how her sister was or even when I saw her sister she looked like she did any other time I had seen her. The day before the funeral Nah Tak invited me to her sister’s house where I made “canomes” (treats) with many of the women of my village while the children played in the street. Not many men were around which kind of shocked me since it was a man that had died. When I got to the house I heard chanting upstairs in the main part of the house. A short while later a few monks down and were driven back to the Wat. I never went up to see the arrangement but can only guess the casket was up there and had just been blessed by the monks. I’m not going to lie, it kind of creped me out to know a body was up there and that the family probably slept in the same room.
In my first few months of teaching I had heard about other deaths in my village but never knew who the people were. The area where they “bury” the body, so I thought at the time, is behind the school. On the days of the funeral I would watch people process to the area on the road behind school and would hear a gunshot go off which scared the jeepers out of me and my students wouldn’t even flinch.
Although I had these experiences earlier on I didn’t really consider whitnessing or attending the canome making to be a true funeral experience and didn’t understand what a funeral is all about. A few weeks back one of my friends whitnessed a huge motorcycle accident near his village. He was invited to the funeral and it wasn’t until hearing about his experience that I learned more about the true traditions of a funeral. Like in America it takes time to prepare for the funeral before the body is buried or cremated. In Thailand it is the same only the days leading up to the true funeral a part of the grieving and ceremony. The day or night before a huge meal is put on for all who wish to attend.
This past week I had the privilege of going to a “pre-day” dinner with Phe Toy and two of her friends. One of their friend’s fathers died at the young age of 67 of cancer. We arrived and were greeted by their friend and her son who was clinging to her and hysterically crying. Seeing the boy so upset made me think back to what it was like to lose my beloved Papa Sid and how my family handled it. There were many tears and smiles remembering his wonderful life and we were open about sharing out feelings. I hadn’t seen anyone grieve like this in Thailand until I saw this 6 year old boy so upset. I felt his pain and wanted to express my condolences to him and the family but didn’t know how other than just taking part in eating dinner with Phe Toy and her friends. As we ate monks began a series of prayers and just about the time we finished eating they had finished and left and a procession to go kneel and give an offering to the man and his family began. We ate or ice cream and then went to the room where the casket was with many wreaths of flowers set up all around the room and the wife and other family members were sitting off to the side. We shuffled in, just as I have done when going to a Wat and approaching Buddha. We lit a candle and incense and gave our own individual blessing to the man and his family. We said our good-byes to the friend and carried on with our night.
Phe Toy told me the true funeral would be happening the following day. It was through my friend Zach’s story of attending the funeral of the boy who died in the motorcycle accident he witnessed that I learned about what really takes place during the funeral other than the gunshot I have heard and the speculations I have made. Family and friends process with the casket out into the forest, there they say whatever prayers to the loved one. Once all is complete they light the casket and all the decorations around it on fire and the body is “cremated”. Just as it is lit on fire the shots go off and everyone leaves. My friend Peter told me that the next day people go to the location and pick through the remains and take any valuable jewelry or jewels worth any value that survived the fire as they are seen as good luck.
It is a weird experience to wish to see but I feel learning about it helps me to understand the people of Thailand a little more. I am kind of glad I did not go to the funeral where they light the casket on fire as it sounds like a pretty intense custom but I am glad that through all my little experiences from watching the parade and take part in two different types of “day before” festivities I was able to learn about how a person’s life is celebrated by their loved ones once they pass.
After the dinner Wednesday we then went to the major Wat in Sakhon Nakhon and offered more incense and flowers. I am not sure if this was in any way connected to the funeral and if all people went there after the dinner but I thought it was a nice way to end the funeral experience.
The night didn’t end there. PA Gai’s grandfather has been in the hospital for a little while now and his father spends many nights there. So before returning home to Ban Don Ga Lynn just outside of Sakhon Nakhon Phe Toy, her friends and I stopped off at the hospital to visit PA Gai’s 80+ year old grandfather. During the visit I realized I had been in this exact room of the hospital before and had see him before when visiting one of my teacher’s sisters who had been in a bad motorcycle accident. This has been a heavy entry so I will save the description of the hospital for another entry.
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